Perpetual Hurt
by Master Spock
Summary: Tony has been through a lot of hurt- hurt he unwilling to face again, but will Gibbs push him too far?


**Title: Perpetual Hurt**

**Rating: T may go to M**

**Author's notice: If my updates are slow I apologise****. This is my first NCIS story, please let me know where I can improve especially with my grammar, (but please be constructive this isn't an episode of Jerry Springer!) Enjoy. **

"Boss you swore you'd keep this confidential, everyone in that office knows!"

"I haven't told anyone, if you're not comfortable being here take the leave I offered you."

"I'm not taking leave I'm needed here, what I don't need is everyone out there watching me like I'm about to do something spectacular, I'm not. I need some space boss."

Leroy Jethro Gibbs sighed, he wasn't going to win this debate. Whatever it was that people were watching him for he hadn't been let in on the secret, or the joke. He didn't know and neither it seemed did the rest of his team- but Tony wasn't convinced. After calling his boss into his regular meeting room, a cramped elevator, he'd not only expressed his concerns but probably gone further than Gibbs would usually allow. Tony rarely raised his voice at Gibbs mostly through respect for the older man however this time he couldn't control himself, he had shouted from the moment they entered the cramp quarters.

What Tony didn't know was that people in the office weren't staring at him but at the large cut that marred his cheek. Tony had nearly forgotten it was there except for the odd moment he caught his reflection in a mirror or car window. Gibbs saved his vanity and hadn't told him this but with Tony in this state he did consider telling him, vanity aside.

"Look Tony, trust me. I haven't told anyone, nobody is watching you and nobody is going to treat you any differently. Please can we get back to work?" Gibbs bit his lip and thought for a moment, he had to get Tony out of the bullpen for a while. "Go and spend some time analysing the evidence from the Wilson case with Abby, she's short of a pair of hands."

"Gibbs I don't need re locating I'm fine, don't take me off our case." Tony almost pleaded his voice finally calming.

"I'm not taking you off the case Tony, I'm moving you to a different department. If you feel that uncomfortable in the bull pen then it's not right for you to stay there." He paused. "Especially considering the seriousness of what happened."

Tony fell silent and watched his boss's expression carefully, there was nothing but sincerity in both his expression and voice. Tony's inner voice reminded him that if he didn't take what leniency Gibbs offered it would never be offered again and honestly he was exhausted he needed time away from Ziva and McGee, especially McGee. Tony often wondered if there could be anyone more annoying- that was until he met Palmer. As nice as they were the workplace wasn't really the place for 'niceties' he just wanted to get the job done and to get it done well. Or that was his recent mindset at least.

The Wilson case was their latest, he and the rest of the team had been out all night collecting shrapnel and debris from the scene of an explosion, a fatal explosion that had caused five fatalities. It hadn't been a pretty sight. Abby however was in her element, trying to piece together as much about the explosion as possible, identifying substances found at the scene and matching DNA with various body parts. Tony knew working with Abby would be anything but boring and would certainly take his mind off of recent events but he didn't want to let the team down and he certainly didn't want to appear weak in front of McGee.

"I'm fine, I just need to get on with my report and finish researching-"

Gibbs' hand shot out and grabbed Tony's wrist, Tony had only wanted to start the elevator moving again and get out of the confined space which now felt even smaller.

"Let go of me." He snarled, Gibbs withdrew and took a respectful step backwards providing him more space. "Don't touch me Gibbs."

"What?"

"Let **go **of me."

Gibbs raised his hand in an unusually submissive gesture and stepped back until his back connected with the hand railing, he folded his arms and watched Tony carefully. It was clear to Gibbs Tony didn't really know what he wanted and hadn't come to terms with things, he needed more time. Tony was reluctant to open up and accept the offered help though it couldn't be forced. Before Tony returned to work Gibbs had sat with him in one of the interrogation rooms and tried to talk things through but Tony was a closed book, he didn't want to talk he just wanted to get back to a certain level of normality.

"Fine I'll get down there now, I'm sure Abby's music will cheer me up."

Gibbs raised an eyebrow and pushed the elevator button to go down to the lab. He often wondered what people thought of the elevator always stopping mid floor, always being unavailable while he was in there and for him to always reappear with a stern expression on his face followed by either an equally stormy Fornell or a pale colleague.

"_**It'd all happened too fast, I can't remember most of it."**_

"_**Take your time Tony there's no rush."**_

"_**But I don't want to remember why can't we just leave it? I don't want to press charges."**_

"_**I need your statement Tony just concentrate and tell me what happened."**_

"_**I don't want to…"**_

"Tony?" Gibbs's voice cut through the stark memory which was suppressed instantly by Tony's conscious mind. "We're at the lab. I'll see you back in the bullpen at 17:00."

Tony nodded and left the elevator watching the doors close slowly leaving him standing momentarily alone in the hallway. It was true he didn't want to remember, but everything was forcing him to. His colleagues, his work and even his own reflection. He fingered the large cut that ranged down his cheek, shuddering as he felt the course stitches scratch his fingers.


End file.
